I’ve talked a little about this in a previous post: my reluctance to stop breast feeding and my ongoing struggle to let go of the sentimental aspect of breast feeding. I’m still breastfeeding but I feel like I’m almost ready to stop now. I haven’t breast fed properly for weeks; all I’ve been doing is giving Annie the occasional top up on the boob. But these top ups are few and far between and, I have to be honest, the only reason I’m doing it is to keep my milk supply up. I breast fed Annie this morning and I mentally said to myself “try and enjoy this experience because it may well be the last time you breast feed”. And that’s a real possibility. Because I haven’t put her on the boob since.
I was still breast feeding Annie at night time up until recently because I felt like it was the easier option. But now when Annie wakes for a feed she doesn’t want my boob and she cries out for her bottle. I don’t think I’m producing enough milk anymore to sufficiently fill up her up at night. I’m now armed with several sterilised bottles and a flask full of hot water ready for her nightly feeds. It’s the end of an era and I can’t help feeling sentimental and sad. But having spoken to other mums of slightly older babies they all gave up around the 7 month mark, when their babies had been weaned onto solids and their teeth had started to cut through (for obvious reasons).
It’s time to let go. To move forward and accept breastfeeding is no longer for the best. If anything it’s causing me more stress because I’m trying to find time to breastfeed and when I do Annie is often fighting me and reluctant to take anything from me.
So I think I’m done. I can’t promise there won’t be a few more feeds but it feels I’m at the finish line. Or at least at the 100 yard sprint, on my way to the finish line.
In other news today I completed my tour of the local nurseries and I’ve made a decision on which nursery I want Annie to go to. I’m really happy with my choice. Now I need to figure out work and working hours and the what the heck I’m doing with my freelance career. And of course launching the business. Work life is still a long while off but it’s now firmly at the back of mind on a daily basis. Festering there. Unavoidable really isn’t it? After all I can’t live in my maternity leave bubble forever. I’m pretty sure the next six months will fly by. After all time flies when you’re having fun!