Being a mum feels like my brain has 5867 tabs open. All day, every day.

So we’re night three of Annie sleeping in her own room and so far, I say somewhat hesitantly, it’s going ok. Not perfect but ok.

To be honest I thought I was going to feel sad about it, and that I’d miss her next to me. Actually it’s felt liberating, but more so it’s given me some peace of mind. And I don’t mean in the reassuring peace of mind kind of way, just simply giving my brain a rest.

Even though my sleep is still very much broken I think the quality of my sleep has much improved. When you’re sleeping with a baby you don’t really ever sleep deeply and you’re constantly aware/ semi conscious. It feels that way anyway. It’s two nights in and already I feel more refreshed and better rested. Body and soul.

And I need it because Annie is a whirlwind now. From the moment I wake up to the moment I lay my head in the pillow I don’t stop. Physically and mentally. I saw an Instagram post today that said “If you ever want to know what a mum’s brain is like then imagine your laptop with 5867 tabs open”. And it couldn’t be more true. My brain is in constant overdrive. At the end of every day is not so much the physical exhaustion but the mental exhaustion. My brain is always switched in “mummy mode” and there’s very few (if any) hours in the day where I can switch off or in fact find any mental headspace for anything other than baby.

My blog is one way I try and mentally re-boot. Often it’s a way of clearing my brain of mummy things, so I can in a way detox over night and not take things into the next day. As soon as my blog is published I try and have some time to myself. Drink a cup of tea and watch some tv or read a book.

Tonight I’ve not been so lucky. Since writing the above I’ve had a difficult evening with Annie. She has a snotty nose and is teething so I’ve been up and down the stairs every 10 minutes for the past two hours.

I don’t think I’ll achieve any peace of mind tonight. But there’s always tomorrow. You can’t win them all.


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