There’s that little Woody Allen saying “if you want to make god laugh, tell him your plans” and that couldn’t be more true of life recently. Things haven’t necessarily gone to plan so far this year.
It’s been a tough start to the new year with ongoing illness plaguing us and just feeling generally down and unmotivated. Feeling poorly not only affects you physically but mentally too and I found myself feeling really negative and frustrated with every day life.
The frustration stemmed from starting the year in a really positive frame of mind. I set my goals for the year ahead and everything felt like it was starting to fall into place. I’d made some key decisions and ended the year closing certain chapters of my life. I felt eager and excited to transition to a new chapter and new adventures.
But very quickly illness took hold again, out of no where, and it seeped all my energy away. I felt like I’d lost control of my life . My immune system was low, baby wasn’t sleeping because she was also unwell. I wasn’t able to rest enough to recover, so illness lingered and exhaustion set in. I knew that if I could spend a few days in bed and get a few good night’s sleep I’d start to feel better, but having a baby just didn’t give me that option.
Happily I am starting to feel better. I must be because this is the first evening I’ve felt like writing my blog in a long long time.
This past month or so, the fact that things haven’t gone to plan, has got me thinking about life as a Mum and how I never feel completely in control anymore. I feel like my life is no longer my own (This is by no means me complaining, this is just a general observation on what it feels like).
Life has become much more reactive than I had ever anticipated. Some days just throw you for a loop, and plans go out of the window. All of a sudden you’re dealing with unplanned, unscheduled and often unforeseen circumstances which means plans are delayed, changed or indeed cancelled altogether. Here are just a few examples of the kind of situations I’ve found myself in over the past month:
1. Annie gets a temperature and throws up over me and my plans are cancelled and I have to stay at home for days on end.
2. I’m up all night with baby, I’ve had zero sleep and I no longer have the energy to go food shopping so I eat toast and marmite for the third night running.
3. Annie refuses to take her morning nap so my chance to get showered and make myself look almost presentable goes out the window. Instead I throw some clothes on, clean my teeth in a rushed and stressed manner whilst my baby is standing in her play pen crying.
4. I’m running late because Annie does an explosive poo just before we leave the house and I have to change her entire outfit.
5. Annie decides she doesn’t want to get in the car today and arches her back, kicks and wriggles so much I literally can’t get her buckled and I have to spend 10 minutes singing nursery rhymes and pulling funny faces to entice her into her seat. Much to the amusement of my nosey curtain twitching neighbours.
6. I try to have a really important, professional telephone interview for a prospective new job. I’ve given my father instructions to “just keep her quiet for half an hour” in the other room. As soon as telephone conversation starts all hell breaks loose in the other room. One neglectful grandfather letting Annie fall off the sofa leads to 10 minutes of screams. The result being I literally can’t hear myself think, or indeed hear what important person is saying, and I stand at the window silently shouting expletives at my father and giving him instructions to “please god shut her up!”.
I’m sure other mums can relate and quite often find themselves in similar “unplanned” situations. You do have to laugh, because nothing ever goes to plan with a baby does it?
What are your funny “plans have gone out of the window” stories?
The big question is will I ever feel completely in control of my life again or should I never expect, with a degree of finality, life to run smoothly, on time or hiccup free ever again?